rain writing

My writing goal so far this term has been to: describe my ideas in enough detail using strong words so that my readers understand what I mean and can paint a full picture in your minds of what I am describing. Here is a piece of writing about the rain:

 Through the lovely green trees I looked at the blue sky.But wait.There was no blue sky it was only blackness and dark clouds.I said,Oh no rain! Then on the school speaker it said everyone in side now please.Then everyone rushed into their class rooms.Everyone started to say Oh no there is going to be a tornado.I just said No there is not going to be a tornado.After everyone stopped and listened to the loud rain.BOOM! BOOM! Thunder was approaching us.Some people just stood there and some people ran around the class room.

How do you think I m going with my goal?